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So, the last few weeks have been extremely difficult for me I've been in a very dark space
I couldn't say what prompted me to go into this mind space because there was no specific incident or season in my life that propelled me into the darkness.
After thinking about it, I believe it was a gradual process for me to enter this particularly dark space. I didn’t deal with things as they happened, things piled up, emotions got left unchecked, and then life became overwhelmingly difficult. It was hard to get out of bed, hard to fall asleep at night, I lost interest in the things that mattered most to me, I had no energy, and I felt that I was in a vacuum, being sucked lower and lower every day. I won’t lie, I no longer wanted to be here, on this earth any longer. I didn’t contemplate suicide, but I had no desire to remain alive. There was a time when I was OK being in this darkness because it took too much effort to leave. To top it off, I was ashamed that I couldn’t “shake myself” out of this funk. The problem was it was more than a funk. It was depression, and there was no “shaking” depression.
As a counselor, I knew to attempt some things:
I intentionally forced myself out of bed daily. I painstakingly completed tasks around the house. I did the “normal” things that were required of me, but I felt dead inside.
I made it a point to open my curtains daily to allow the light to shine. I knew that if I allowed myself to sit in darkness while experiencing darkness, I would sink faster into the abyss of hopelessness.
I listened to upbeat and encouraging music. This was an attempt to lift my mood.
I know exercise helps, and I did a few things to increase my heart rate.
Doing all of these things, I still lived like the commercial with people showing a smiley face fan in front of their face instead of showing others what they were truly going through. I was embarrassed that I was in this space, even though logically, I knew there was nothing to be ashamed of. I didn’t know how to bring up the feelings and emotions surging through me.
Every time I tried to talk, I was overcome with emotions and could not put words to my feelings. Eventually, after incorporating the help of others, I was able to gradually come out of this dark space. It was and is a process to do so healthily and successfully. I had to do the hard work of working on myself which included being honest with myself, admitting that I was depressed, and that I needed help.
It was a difficult space for me, and I know several people experience depression and don’t know what to do about it. You don’t have to fight the darkness alone.
At Mind Works Counseling Services in Lubbock, TX, we specialize in treating depression in men. We are here to help you, support you, and walk with you through the darkest moments. Depression is not a weakness. With the correct support, you can learn tools and techniques to recognize and deal with depression. We are here for you. Though it may be dim, there is light in the tunnel. Let us help lead you to the light.
Learn more about the Depression Therapy services we offer.
Contact us to schedule an appointment or to let us answer any questions you may have.